Own your own change threshold.
Lately I’ve been reading article after article about how the majority of people are unhappy in their jobs. I know many of these people. I’ve had the same conversations with a few close friends for years about how they want a new job, hate their current one, are bored, unchallenged… and I find myself getting frustrated with them for staying put. I think about my career history and how I seek out change. How I know my patterns, that I love the thrill of walking into a scary new situation and having to figure it out and find my place, that once I know where the good coffee is, and that the head of one department is super political and that another employee will always have my back, I start to get the itch for something less comfortable. I usually find a different role in the same company to keep me engaged for a while, the cycle repeats and I move on about four years after I started. This realization is part of why I work as a consultant now. Every project gives me that uncertainty and challenge that I crave.
As I started to mount my high horse, and sprain my arm patting myself on the back for being so proactive, I thought about the whole of my life, and the whole of my friend’s lives. While my work life has been exciting and tumultuous over my 20-year career, my personal life has been very stable for most of that. I’ve lived in the same house with the same person for 12 years. I have a great partner and a solid relationship. My family has been healthy. I haven’t had many stresses or much non-work change to adapt to. I’m able to channel all my adaptability into my work life.
Some of my friends have had the reverse situation. They’ve dealt with serious family illnesses, relationship ends and beginnings, cross-country moves, babies (who change every day if not faster), and financial challenges. Their jobs are the one thing they can count on not to change. Even if the job isn’t great, it’s a known quantity in an unknown world. Even if the job doesn’t make them happy, they know how much energy it requires and can plan accordingly.
Each of us needs to find that balance and know our own change threshold. Some changes we can control (like deciding to find a new job), and others (health and financial upheaval) we cannot. When you find yourself in a change situation you can’t control, you may want to stabilize other areas of your life as much as possible, allowing yourself to focus your change energy where it’s most needed. Create safe, stable spaces for yourself and recognize how much uncertainty you can stomach at any given time. Each of us has a different threshold. Understanding yours, and recognizing that your friend’s may be very different from your own will help us each navigate the changes life brings, without judgment.